Should We Break Up?

I have been asked the same question by clients and friends alike, "how do I know when it's time to leave?". For some, the answer is obvious. Maybe it's the first time they hit you, the first time they lied, or the first time they showed you who they really are. Sometimes, the right moment to leave just presents itself to you and you know. For others, this moment sometimes never comes to light. The relationship isn't abusive or "toxic" per say, but there are just so many gray periods where you are unsure if staying really is the best option. So, when is the right moment to leave?

A couple years ago I sat in therapy, unsure if I should stay in the hot and cold relationship with a partner that I loved so dearly. My therapist and I had talked in circles for what seemed like sessions, and I still was unable to make a decision. I was trapped between a rock and a hard place I kept saying. That was until she asked me a question that really changed my entire perspective of things. She asked, "how would it make you feel if someone saw you and your partner and said "wow, you two really deserve each other"?" I took pause but knew in an instant my decision. When she asked me, I wasn't filled with the pride of having a loving and caring partner. I wasn't filled with gratitude for the life and love "I deserved". What I felt was embarrassed, ashamed, and even hurt. Why would I deserve someone who can't communicate with me? Why would I deserve someone who doesn't think about my feelings? Why would I deserve someone who doesn't value me in the same way I value them?

So often we get caught up in the whirlwind of love and lust that we don't take the time to stop and understand if the person we are with is deserving of us. We become so focused on the good and the bad of the relationship that we miss what is right in front of us. Should I leave or stay? Do I want them or not? Will they change, or no? These questions are important ones, but not as important as do they deserve me? Love is a powerful powerful emotion, but it cannot fix all things. So, stop trying to mend the broken. Stop trying to repair the relationship on your own. Stop spreading yourself thin for someone who hardly acknowledges your effort. You deserve more, and you know it. There are so many mediocre things in this world, don't let love be one of them.