25 Solar Trips

Growing up there was a time I was certain I'd never live to graduate high school. I never thought I would make it to 18. And deep down I knew I would never be alive long enough to walk across the college stage. So, as I sit here writing this blog on my 25 birthday, I not only feel overwhelmed with gratitude and pride, but hope.

Growing up my life was a series of events I was made to survive, not live. I spent a decade confined to the prison of abuse my perpetrator constructed. Every day was a test of will and determination, and more often than not, it was not a test I was certain I wanted to pass. For a long time, my only saving grace was knowing I had the power at any time to call it quits. Dreams and goals were outlandish ideas made for those with support and purpose, while misery and death were something that felt tangible to me. While my peers talked about marriage, careers, and kids, I was planning how my family would put me to rest one day. How my mother would have to put on a brave face, how my sister would have to become the glue to hold everyone together, I dreamed of ways to lessen the pain when I was gone.

What I never imagined happening is that I would survive. That I would rise from the ashes of destruction and chaos and not become another statistic. So now, I sit here at my desk at the job I love, living with my best friend in a house we love, supported by family who loves me, filled with the upmost appreciation for the life I get to live now. Truly live. These last few years have shown me that with the right care and support, recovery is truly possible. I have done EVERYTHING I never thought I would achieve. I moved away from home, started over in a city where I didn't know anyone, graduated from under grad, got a master's degree, moved into a house, started a career I love, and most importantly started to love life again. Days became less like work and more like a blessing. Today, I spend most days in awe of the life I have created for myself.

While 25 may seem like another birthday to most people, for me, this is a monumental occasion. This is the year I allow myself to dream about any and everything. This is the year I open myself up to possibilities the future has for me. 25 is the year I choose hope, resilience, and freedom.